Draft #3

I was scared out of my mind. I wanted to leave, to turn around, anything that would get me away from here. I didn't know what to do. Turn back and be safe? But that would give my sisters the license to mock me forever. I had to do it. There is no turning back now, I thought to myself as I waited in the line that was seemingly hotter than an oven in August. I thought the line would never end.

I know this might sound just a bit bizarre, but I was in line for a roller coaster at Lego land during Spring 2007. I don't usually like roller coasters; I get sick from motion very easily, so even I was amazed that my sisters had convinced me to give one a try.

As the cars from the ride previous to the one I was about to board screeched to a sudden stop and the passengers clambered out, I was giving myself a motivational pep talk. "All right, now is the time. You can do this. Little kids can and have survived this ride. So can you," I muttered to myself under my breath while wringing my shaking hands.

With a quick, reassuring squeeze of my mom's hand, I scurried to my seat with my older sister Rachel at my side. We found some free seats that were right next to each other and strapped ourselves in. The green cars that were supposed to resemble a single dragon pulled out of the gate and quickly began to pick up speed.

Cold air slapped at my face and flowed through my hair while people screamed their hearts out. We went up; we went down; we went all the way to the left and the right (so far that my sides were parallel to the ground). Adrenaline rushed through me so abruptly it was hard to figure out when it began to flood my insides. The whole amusement park went by so quickly it was hard to distinguish what was what. I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

When the ride stopped at last, I was very dizzy and stumbled around for about 10 minutes. As soon as I got back to normal, I realized the roller coaster was actually pretty amusing. Wow, I thought, I was really overreacting before! I didn't think I would enjoy this roller coaster, but I did!

As I strolled out of Lego land California that day, a rush of pride swept through me. "I did it!" I shouted out the window of my car while my mom pulled it out of the huge parking lot.

Even though that was over a year ago, I can still feel the same excitement and pride as I did that day; and I wouldn't be surprised if I do forever.

Using Italics

Italics have several purposes. They can be used to show thoughts (or interior monologue). Also, they are used to accentuate the way a word or phrase is read. For example, in my memoir it reads:
"I was really overreacting before! I didn't think I would enjoy this roller coaster, but I did!

Using Similes, Metaphors, and Hyperboles

We have been learning about what similes, hyperboles, and metaphors are and how to use them.
I would like to include one or two of them in my memoir.

For example; a sentence in my original piece reads:
"There is no turning back now, I thought to myself as I waited in the blistering hot, never-ending line."

I could use a metaphor in that sentence:
There us no turning back now, I thought to myself as I waited in the line that was seemingly hotter than an oven in August. The line never seemed to end.


I like the sound of that better than the original version of the sentence. I think I will use it in the final draft of my memoir.

Flashback Technique

I think it would be possible to use the flashback technique in my memoir, but I think I like the way it is now. Therefore, I do not think I will be using the flashback technique in my piece.

Rough Draft #2

I was scared out of my mind. I wanted to leave, to turn around, anything that would get me away from here. I didn't know what to do. Turn back and be safe? But that would give my sisters the license to mock me forever. I had to do it.

No. There is no turning back now, I thought to myself as I waited in the blistering hot, never-ending line.

I know this might sound just a bit bizarre, but I was in line for a roller coaster at Lego land during Spring 2007. I don't usually like roller coasters; I get sick from motion very easily, so even I was amazed that my sisters had convinced me to give one a try.

As the cars from the ride previous to the one I was about to board screeched to a sudden stop and the passengers clambered out, I was giving myself a motivational pep talk. "All right, now is the time. You can do this. Little kids can and have survived this ride. So can you," I muttered to myself under my breath while wringing my shaking hands.

With a quick, reassuring squeeze of my mom's hand, I scurried to my seat with my older sister Rachel at my side. We found some free seats that were right next to each other and strapped ourselves in. The green cars that were supposed to resemble a single dragon pulled out of the gate and quickly began to pick up speed.

Cold air slapped at my face and flowed through my hair while people screamed their hearts out. We went up; we went down; we went all the way to the left and the right (so far that my sides were parallel to the ground). Adrenaline rushed through me so abruptly it was hard to figure out when it began to flood my insides. The whole amusement park went by so quickly it was hard to distinguish what was what. I sure was screaming!

When the ride stopped at last, I was very dizzy and stumbled around for about 10 minutes. As soon as I got back to normal, I realized the roller coaster was actually pretty amusing. Wow, I thought, I was really overreacting before! I didn't think I would enjoy this roller coaster, but I did!

As I strolled out of Lego land California that day, a rush of pride swept through me. "I did it!" I shouted out the window of my car while my mom pulled it out of the huge parking lot.

Even though that was over a year ago, I can still feel the same excitement and pride as I did that day; and I wouldn't be surprised if I do forever.

Titling Your Memoir

I have to come up with a suitable title for my memoir for this posting, but I'm not too sure about what I should call it. Because I have no idea what to name my memoir, please respond to this posting or the Rough Draft #2 with some ideas about what I should title my memoir.

Thoughtful Word Choices

For this posting I will be rethinking my word choices and replacing my "weak" words with more exciting and thoughtful ones.

For example I used the word "hot" in my memoir (second paragraph, second sentence). I think it would be suitable to use the words "blistering hot" instead. I also used the word "lame" and I don't think that is very scholarly so I will replace it with the word "bizarre".